You made the right choice by reading this article, and In this post, you will learn the ins and out of what marriage counselling is, and other stuff related to relationship and advice in general.
According to Wikipedia Counseling is the activity of the counsellor or a professional who counsels people, especially on personal problems and difficulties.
What it means in brief:
In Proverbs 19:21 New King James Version (NKJV). 21 There are many plans in a man’s heart, Nevertheless the Lord’s counsel—that will stand.
Marriage counselling is of utmost importance; it took me time to process this because couples found it challenging to let go of certain things when hurt, some think it’s on call for; come to think of it what would it take to seat before a counsellor and pour out your heart?
I am of the opinion that lots of marriages are under duress due to lack of communication, and understanding, over the years we have experienced beautiful changes in our ministry as a result of open communication between spouses.
Counselling is not only required when there’s conflict in marriage; you could have a better marriage when you open up to your spouse.
During verbal communication be free to speak, discussion makes it easier for a couple to identify what each likes or disliked; it is wrong to be careful in marriage, I guess you are surprised at that statement, however, bottled emotions are dangerous when trigger by offensive words of reply, so its better handled when we are conscious, with one thing in mind the ability to fight for your marriage to work out.
Be free to be you so that correction would naturally roll in; when you are too cautious to avoid hurting each other, the inevitable creeps in, because you don’t want to offend your spouse that is very wrong
The ability to speak freely to your spouse as a friend would go a long way in marriage stability.
Most of us are shy to talk openly in our marriages because we don’t want offences, but it does not work like that, you are permitted to make mistakes so you could be corrected, when you don’t speak out how would she know what you dislike, there’s a purpose for every relationship you are unique as well as your marriage, we are not ordinary people God is mindful of us.
The bible says the counsel of the Lord shall stand. Lots of Christians thought this verse of scripture does not require human effort since God as said it, it must come to pass, it’s funny how we want God to play our part for us.
He said I have set before you life and dead he states explicitly that we should choose life, he had made the provision, but it would take some effort for an activation.
What is Relationship Counselling
Relationship counselling has nothing to do with been single or married for a better relationship within any sphere of life, the advice is essential.
The phrase(Relationship Counselling) gave us a societal mentality that its required for persons under a violent relationship though it’s an integral part of it, not totally, communication in every relationship needed counselling.
A relationship has to do with been connected either by blood, marriage or as friends, let’s primary on the basics.
What do I Have to Know About my Relationship?
Our everyday interaction helps build relationship techniques, the way you perceive when people speaks is vital; there are lots of misconceptions in marriage because the way we understand our spouse spoke might not necessarily mean what you heard, this is the reason you shouldn’t conclude at every given speech
There is a need to hear to people out even when are pissed it doesn’t happen overnight.
But it could be worked on, precept by precept line upon line, our exposure mould us to see things in different perspectives as such our thought and way differs, the ability for effective communication cannot be overstressed.
These are vital tools in every relationship, couples who are friends before getting married tend to have a prolong marriage because of their depth of understanding.
At this stage, they both know their boundaries, not because they don’t want to step each other toes somewhat they understood that their perception about things differs
There is a decision your spouse could take on your behalf while there are some that you must indulge., I trust my spouse to make a specific decision on my behalf because I know we are one, it doesn’t just happen suddenly, you must have taken time to nurture what you have going on.
Let us see what the scriptures say about this, Jesus communicated to the farmer by making an illustration that the kingdom of God was likened to seed because he wants him to understand by way of his exposure: to the builder, he also related with them as the stone that was rejected that became the cornerstone.
The understanding between spouses enables them to be cautious of the way of expression, its done with love, not fear.
I used the word problem for lack of a better word, in every relationship, there are challenges, most of which we could overcome as we persist
Problems in marriage are typical, how would you expect people who had a different background, orientation, exposure, and culture to have the same ideology.
For every relationship has shortcomings .it takes patience and love to calm down and see the right side of your spouse, rest assured that in no time things would fall in place.
Love is not enough in any marriage, if a specific obligation is unmet, that marriage might suffer a breakdown.
You can grow in your relationship; you extend a hand of fellowship with one another, don’t wait for your spouse to say I’m sorry at every mistake; his or her weakness should not be over emphasis,
These would give you depth in your relationship. The ability to fix things is also very vital, don’t keep piling everything on your spouse, there are little things that could be mended, do it yourself without agitation.
Honestly, we could avoid those things that had led to divorces, most of what we call irreconcilable differences might be fixed unless of extreme cases; though pending on your definition of extremity.
I do not approve you staying in an abusive or violent relationship, I’ve seen worst relationship healed through counselling, in as much as I don’t want you stuck in a brutal relationship; however, a little patience would go a long way.
I know of someone who had an abusive spouse who kept bottling it for years until she decided to speak out after one of our services, those who heard it were surprised for he was a well-respected man.
It took us time to digest and believe her story; sometimes people are not the way they presented themselves, to make it short the relationship was healed after sections of counselling.
Mistakes Women Make
As a counsellor I have come across women who think getting married gives an opportunity for a good life, thereby piling virtually everything on the man as his responsibility.
They ask the man for everything they need; even when they can foot the bill, it is very wrong.
If you are privileged to own a business, you could as well assist your spouse; I don’t care how wealthy he is.
You also have a part to play, create what you want to see in your spouse, call it out and in no time it would be activated, words are powerful, you are your thought.
Marriage is to be enjoyed not endured, your death is irrelevant Jesus had died for all; don’t be too stiff to your spouse, Stop faking orgasm; let go of yourselves enjoy the moment.
One of the major problems in Christian marriage is sex.
I’ve probably touched the forbidden, explore yourselves it’s not a sin within the context of marriage neither is it a taboo, when sexual desires are swept under the carpet, adultery is very close, suppressing your feeling is dangerous.
I know you are a woman of virtue, stop acting in public while your private time with your spouse stinks because its sex starved. Lots of Christian women prohibits this because of how the society as influence us and the not word
I have respect for a man that listens, not because the discussion is on point preferably for sanity when you hear out your spouse even when he is not right it makes it easier to make amends.
I know some are expecting me to talk on fornication and premarital sex, but listen, I have a word that would take you to the next level in life it’s called Vision.
Your vision helps you to make decisions that would enable you to do what the world tagged the unusual
What kind of a life would you want to live, a life of purpose of cos, its easier said than done but with little effort, you can have and live the unusual.
We are in an era where premarital problems are on the rise and common.
We all know what is right, the bible says he ordered the step of the righteous, his still in that business of ordering our steps.
Rely entirely on him, and he would lead and see you through, and if you have made any mistakes in the past forgiveness is guaranteed, pick up the pieces and move ahead, he said to the adulteress neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more, in other words, forgiveness is available.
How Can Family Counselling Help?
Family counselling is a booster because it helps us keep in touch and get to know ourselves, let us talk about the immediate family and probably look into the extended and nuclear family in our subsequent edition.
Your family are supposed to be people who love you irrespective of what you do and never judge you; the truth be told not every family portray these characteristics.
I ’m of the opinion that family counselling is paramount, asides going to a counsellor it could be done within our homes; however sentiment does not work here, say it out and lets deal with the issues, some counsellor felt you need one outside your family settings to intervene.
One of the challenges that make family counselling dramatic is lack of unity amongst family, In such scenario hatred, jealousy and slander become inevitable.
In such cases, most professional counsellors prefer someone outside the family setting to intervene
Family counselling would be advantageous for continents like Africa and Asia, because of their belief for a large family.
People say we are in a civilized world as such family orientation would fizzle out as a result of greener pasture, migration, people wants a better life which might lead to travelling to other countries; which sometimes leads to naturalization.
Wherever you are in the world is good to know members of your family, it would go a long to build up such family, one thing I cherish about Asians is the ability to carry along family trait and improve on it.
The act of Thanksgiving
We have to be thankful because that’s Gods will for us, gratitude is one major factor to be considered in marriage, when you are deliberate about it others would emulate and make a point of duty and reference, it’s not pretence but an inner glow that activates and put things in place.
A motivational speaker once said:
You should fake it until you make it
I thought that was unreasonable, listen; your marriage is not fake neither are you relating with a false God.
Your relationship is as real as your God; we are not in the men or women’s world, you are in your world, therefore, use your word to create your world.
Do not be gullible by words that are unhealthy to your relationship, sieve what comes into you, because what goes out would either break or make you, lest I forget this is not a positive confession but speaking Gods word.